The One is now the Number One as Well!!!

For those of the countless millions of you readers who have not had the honour and privilege of knowing of the One, the greatest vet ever to have hopped on this earth or for that matter, on any other earth; he is the One. The One who made Neo (of Matrix infamy) the Three (yours truly being the Two, in designation as well as in size). The One who is the world's best Vet and the leading authority on animal psychiatry, psychosis, psychedelics and Gangnam style Psy. The One who cured Paul the Octopus of his visions and gave bats their vision.The One who then ventured into management and combined Pavlov with Arindam Chaudhuri. The One who put the Axis in the Bank. I am sure that by now, the intelligent reader (by the way, would such a species, if any, venture here??)  would have deigned what I am talking about.

Now, the One is naturally on top of most lists like maximum time on 99 bucks (ahead of SR Tendulkar); maximum time speaking continuously (ahead of Mr MM Singh) etc. But there was one list on which he was not Numero Uno. Sacrilege though it may sound, he was not yet the most eligible available bachelor in India, the world, the Ursa Minor and the other side of Alpha Centuari. This had nothing to do with his bachelorhood (after all, who counts  गन्धर्व विवाह). It had nothing to do with eligibility either. Or so I would hope. After all, a few arrests in drugs busts, a few nights in the lock ups are but a part to see the corrupt system from inside and thus clean it. For the uninitiated, the One is the next Prime Ministerial candidate of the Congress, the BJP, the SP, the BSP, the Mango People Party and all other parties as well. NaMo and RaGa are just fighting it out for the number two spot...

The only issue was availability. By some strange quirk of fate, the One was born as the younger One to a doting and caring brother who, till now, had decided to forego his worldly responsibilities and take care of the One. But with the thirties approaching, the One decided that enough is enough and created a wedding portal for his elder brother. Yes, an entire portal!! The One does not do things in half measures... As a result, soon there will be शेहनाई , बारात and hordes of mischievous saalis of his brother for the One.

And then, it will be the turn of someone beyond the normal to step up and accept the challenge- of being one on one with the One!!! But till then, the One is still one and happy with the status quo (care should be taken to avoid the mention of butterflies in front of the One at times of such discussions, though)... May the force be with the one, till the time it can.....

Dil, Dilli and D one

After a period of hibernation (no it not one of those Baltic nations), the mighty Vet has decided.

After giving some lessons about chicken and management to Arindam Chaudhury and stabilising the ecology of Pune, Lavassa, Lonavala, Khandala and Maardaala, the One has decided that enough is enough. The Swiss are already crying Traahi Maam and Cayman Islands are petitioning the UN to stop their economies from going bust. Yes, the One has now decided to jump headlong into banking and take over its Axis.

But this post is not about the One. It is not about animals, or vets, or banking either. It is about Dilli, for it is there that the Two (yours truly) will get to meet the One. 

Dilli, the place whose awe inspiring valleys are as beautiful as Sheila. Yes, it is the same place where the golden sands of the coast of Arctic Ocean inspired Rudyard Kipling to write Jungle Book, the same place where a coconut falling on the head of a passer by gave Newton the idea of gravitation. The One loves the Niagra Falls in Dilli, where River Brahmaputra falls so spectacularly from Mount Kanchenjunga. And who can forget the legend of River Brahmaputra, which was brought from Heavens in the wallet of Saint Suresh Kalmadi to quench the thirst of the Commonwealth Games athletes while they were staying in Sahara desert.

And the Dilli is also host to the Biennial MahaPushkar Mela, held every 1 year and 389.5 days on the confluence of Brahmaputra, Amazon and Nile. The same mela, which caters to the worldwide demand of silicon, including those of Silicon Valley and Pamela. The world's first ever pyramid was constructed by a team of Somalian scientists in a test tube in 1974 in Delhi, in the honour of George W Bush and Julian Assange and their everlasting love for each other, which culminated in Assange being sent to Guantanamo Bay and Bush, to Nurmanzil. 

But in spite of having all this, Dilli does not have one thing, which makes all other things insignificant. Dilli does not have phattu ke samose... 

Happy Frandship Day..

So,a little birdie (of course not yet having found a place on the operating table of our vet friend) chirped in far away Amreeca, that a few students of Symbiosis Institute of Management, Pune were found, oops!! caught, having some fun on the traditional festival of Friendship Day. For the uninitiated, the roots of this festival go back to the days when Prithviraj Chauhan gave up his love, Rani Laxmibai, for his best friend Jalaluddin Mohammed Akbar. But we are digressing, and the vet mentioned above absolutely abhors any talk of roots, stems, tubers, flowers etc (he loves animals, you see)..

Now, having spent a looong quarter of a century, and some more, with the aforementioned vet (ok, for the sake of clarity, this is the same vet who is trying to teach veterinary culinary science to the professors of management at Symbi), it was clear as Chakpheri nallah in that holiest of places, Pantnagar, that he had to be among those apprehended. And since he has not yet been able to provide any confirmation to the contrary, I am sure my dear friend is spreading the massage (not a typo) of friendship, peace and eternal love among the inmates of Yerawada Jail as of the moment...

Bless you, my friend... May all the rats, cats, dogs, donkeys and all other assorted variety of animals whose souls have passed through your caring hands from operating table to the arms of the Almighty help you in this venture...

In the name of holy Samosa........

hi darlings & darlangs (word coined post 377 verdict!)

I have often had problem in comprehending the meaning of words starting with mug shaped, non-consonent, relationship oriented letter 'U'. As the bad luck would have it, this time i got stuck with a bachcha bachcha knows the meanining sort of word- ULTIMATE.

After using this word day in & day out for 24 years of my life (oops! I told my age. my natraj plasto eraser is not erasing it, sm1 plz hlp) its such a maddening, sickening , killing feeling to forget its meaning(only Ghajini hit Amir can understand). Someone said consult Dictionary, I thought why bother a firangi lady who might have come to India for sight seeing or spiritual awakening or s@#, so on & so forth........

Anyways, all you sight seeing freaks, lemme tell ya, this Pantnagar (holy city of umpteen number of samosa shrines) is one 'must see once' place before you die, or, making it less horrifying, till you are healthy, happy and gay (no no sm1 plz erase this last one also). Shakespeare once said "if there is paradise on earth: its in PBW, its in PBW, its in PBW (indian railways shortie for Pantnagar)" ; place where Lord Rama, Lord Krishna & Lord Jesus were born; place where Shahjahan built the Great Pyramids; place where Madam Curie was crowned Miss World; place where Henry Ford sold Lizzat papad and so much more.(see how people have worked overtime to distort history & discredit PBW of all her glorious past). Still do come once. Mughals used all their might to take it to Agra; Brits tried tan, man, dhan & gun to take it to Kolkata but Phattu ke samose are still very much here.

I reached Bodh Gaya, set up samadhi under Lord Buddha's Banyan tree. January-nah no gyan, February- no gyan, March-nah, April- ah, May- oui ma, June-bhukh, July- BHOOOOOOKH!! To hell with the gyan. Ran back to PBW...hmph hmph hmph...reached Phattu's shop, bought one mouth watering, mind boggling, more importantly life saving dearest SAMOSA & gulp gulp gudup.... down it went....& suddenly TING - dimag ki ghanti baji- Ultimate means Phattu ka Samosa.

But then someone asked "have you heard of Ultra ultimate???". I said "Oh god, what's that????". God said " Son of a....... I am with Sarah Palin right now. Find out yourself Pappu". I thought this time i would set samadhi atop Qutab Minar to be nearer to god incase he decides to send some sms. I ordered 2 more of those palate tickling delicacies before starting for Delhi. Gulp gulp gulp gulp gudup gudup.....down they went.....& suddenly TING TING - dimag ki ghanti 2 baar baji- Ultra ultimate means Phattu ke 2 Samose.
God said "Pappu paas ho gaya".

Welcome!!

Before we take all you readers (I know there are millions of you out there) on the trip of your lives, let us tell you how this blog came into existence...

I believe most of you would have heard the story of how Gautam Buddha was enlightened under a banyan tree while meditating... Well ours is a similar story... The two of us were sitting in front of Phattu ki dukan at the hallowed Badi Market in Pantnagar (don't get nervous if you do not know these famous places, they are a bit difficult to reach), ruminating after having a couple of samosas each, when we realised it was our divine purpose to spread knowledge, peace, madness, insomnia and the infamous foot and mouth disease (not to mention the foot in mouth disease too) among the rich and the poor, the beautiful and the not so beautiful, the young and the younger... in short, among everyone in this world.

It would be fitting to tell you all about the two people who have taken this task of unfathomable proportions upto themselves...

Manish: The perfect human being. A vet par excellence, his heart is full of compassion for the poor animals who cannot speak, and has taken it as the mission of his life to provide them succour. As far as the animals who are not that poor, or whose masters are not that poor, however, he has different ideas which shall not be broached upon at this point in time. He is also one of the seven original masters of English language (the other six died mysteriously after having dinner at his place and were detected as having abnormally high amounts of arsenic sulfide in their blood streams!!) and has a wit which is sharper than the sword of George W Bush.

Marvin the Paranoid Android: Sometimes erraneously referred to as Rishi, Marvin is, as the name suggests, paranoid. Also as the name suggests, he is an android, as in supposedly human. He drives a three wheeler which has got six wheels, and does nothing for a living. He does not believe in compassion of any sort. Though he claims to have a working knowledge of English, Hindi and Zulu apart from Sanskrit and German, experts are divided in their opinions...

These two misfits were united by some quirk of fate during the magnetic storm in the last to last eleven year solar cycle. It was at Campus School, Pantnagar that they were brainwashed into becoming what they are today- your potential tormentors... So having been warned adequately, if you continue to read on, it is at your own risk and these guys andthe government of India have no liability, explicit or implicit, in any damages or otherwise loss arising as a consequence, direct or indirect, of reading this blog.